I feel like I am learning a lot about life right now and even more about God! Do you ever think that you are starting to get the pieces of the puzzle of your life somewhat put together and then the puzzle pieces change shape? I feel like that is the story of my life and I know it is for most people. God really was the one who opened the door for me to come to NYC. The year leading up to my move was a rocky year for me, but God did so much in my life and I saw his faithfulness all over the place! I feel like after I made this move I was starting to get some puzzle pieces put together and then they some started to change shape. I know that probably makes no sense to whoever is reading this! I guess what I am trying to say is that there is just a lot going on in my life right. There are a lot of unknowns with my future in different areas of my life and if I am to be honest I am just really struggling with it. I don't want to go into detail and share all the details of my life, but I would love to ask that if you are reading this that you would just pray for me. I was walking down the street yesterday and I just silently cried out to God and said, "God, I don't know what else to do but to trust you!" I read in Psalm 107 where repeatedly in the bible people would cry out in distress and the Lord answered them and brought them out of distress. One verse even talks about when they were "at their wits end." Now I am not saying I am at my wits end, but I do just feel extremely overwhelmed by my life right now. I have been claiming a verse in Psalm 37:7 that says, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." Another one I love is Psalm 32:10 "steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord." That is where I feel like I am/want to be. I want to trust the Lord with all of my heart and wait on him. I will never forget something that a lady I know said. She was lying in a hospital bed dying from cancer and someone asked her if she was scared. She held out her palm and her response was so simple yet beautiful. "I don't have to be scared because I know I am sitting right here in the palm God's hand." Now I know circumstances in my life are trivial compared to this lady who knew she was about to lose her life, but I have never forgotten that. I know that each day my life sits in the palm of my Father's hand. He is taking care of me! I have to remember that right now.
Living in a huge city, I am starting to get use to showing and seeing tears in public. So the other day I was walking down the street and tears just started to flow. A few months ago I would have been embarrassed of this, but since there are very few shelters to be alone in this place, I just let them flow. I cried because for a few moments I felt so lonely, small and just overwhelmed by my life. I don't share that to sound like I am having a pity party! I'm not! Because the cool thing is The Lord has met me! He has given me hope! Not hope in circumstances, but hope in him. Hope that he loves me and knows me, and wants to bless me. He desires good things for my life. He is in control and will never drop me from the palm of his hand. So all I know to do in this time of "craziness" in my life is to wake up in the morning and walk with him. I am fighting to believe his promises and rest in him. When I get anxious or scared then I cry out to the Lord! That is all I can do right now. I think we all have days where we long for someone else's life or to be in someone else's "season" of life. I have had some of those days lately. Days where I think someone else is so "lucky" or "life is just so easy for them"(believe me I know that is probably not true) . Today though I thought, "This is my life, this is MY story, and I don't want to miss out on what God is doing in my life."
The singer/songwriter Laura Story wrote a song that I absolutely love. It is called "Make something beautiful" I couldn't find the lyrics to post, but this is the chorus:
"All I know to do is lift my hands to you. Take all of my life, all of my life and make something beautiful. Open my hand trusting your plan to make something beautiful, so all will see the work in me as you make something beautiful."
I want that to be my prayer, That God would "make something beautiful" out of my life. I want to walk with God each day and lift my hands to him. I know that I will look back on this season as a time of growth and a time of God continuing to unfold his plan for my life. I know that as long as I live here on this earth, the puzzle pieces of my life will continue to change...they do for everybody, but I do ask you to pray for me. Pray that God's will would be done in my life and that I would cling to him in this crazy season of my life!
1 comment:
been praying for you...your life is "something beautiful" (no matter how crazy it seems sometimes) and God is faithful! thanks for sharing your heart and encouraging all of us!
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