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Saturday, June 13, 2009

Heavy on my Heart

Tonight my friend and I were in the subway station at Time Square.  We had to walk from one end of the station to the other, and as we did we passed a begger sitting on the floor.  We walked right by without stopping, but as soon as we did I got a knot in my stomach.  A few minutes later as we were standing on the platform waiting for the train to arrive we watched a lady who was clearly extremely high on drugs.  She could barely stand up straight, had used the bathroom on herself, and was just making circles on the platform....a couple times we were scared she was going to step off the platform on to the track.  I made the comment to my friend, "I don't know how to help that woman."  I mean she was not even coherent enough to accept money and I had no food, yet at the same time I just ached for her.  Where is she going to sleep tonight?  Who is her family?  What's her story?  Tonight the Lord really got my attention but I have been having many thoughts about giving to the poor and needy.  Living in New York City I pass endless amounts of people everyday who are in need. This is true wherever you live, but being in a city you see more of the outward effects of the fallen and broken world that we live in.  I admit that most of the time when I am walking down the street I am just trying to get where I am going.  I don't want to stop and give, I don't want to offer to take anyone to get food, I just don't want to be bothered! UGH even as I write that I just feel so convicted.  When I got home tonight I spent some time looking at verses in the bible on the poor. It really nailed me.  Matthew 25:35-40 says, "For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, Lord when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? And the King will answer them, Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."

I wish that when I pass the homeless on the street or the beggers in the subway that I would think of that verse.  That is just one of many verses where Jesus makes it so clear that we are called to give to those in need.  I think sometimes I do just feel overwhelmed.  A couple weeks ago I decided that I was going to give $1 to every person in need that I passed, but it did not take long for me to realize that was not always realistic.  And then what about the other needs people have.  I would much rather buy someone a hot meal, or a scarf when it is cold outside.  I want to be willing to give the clothes off my back to those in need.  I know it is impossible for me to help everyone or be expected too, but as a Christian we are called to give!  What does that look like for me here in New York City?  I signed my fellowship group up to serve a meal at a homeless shelter here in the city.  When I e-mailed the volunteer coordinator for this particular organization he told me the first available date to volunteer was in August. What?  So it seems like everyone is willing to do their good deed and serve a meal at one of the many homeless shelters in the city, but what about everyday? I pass a begger almost everyday when I walk down 72nd street and everyday when I pass him I think that man needs to have his feet washed,...  I mean really they are awful, but everyday I have passed him and not stopped. Now I know realistically I cannot wash the feet of that man, but I could have stopped and given him some food.  "I John 3:17-18, "but if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?  Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."  Yet another powerful scripture.  I read this verse and think OUCH.  The truth is my heart so often hurts for the needy that I pass each day, but I have not been practicing the words of Jesus and opening my hand to those that I pass.  I don't know what the solution is, but I do know that i want to grow in this area of my life.  I want to share the love of Christ with the hurting in this city.   It is not my place to judge why they are on the street or what they are going to use my $1 for.  All I know is there has been a tugging on my heart in this are of my life for awhile, and I want to change.  I don't want to keep passing them by.  I want to ask the Lord to give me a heart of compassion that gives generously to all. 
Do any of you have any thoughts or suggestions?  Thanks for letting me share what has been heavy on my heart! For now I think I will go get a box of granola bars from my cabinet and put some in my purse so I can at least share a granola bar to one who might be hungry!

Also, thank you to those who are praying for me!  Keep it up...:-)

3 comments:

Heather said...

Bethany,
First of all thank you for sharing honestly and openly. I can very much identify with your struggle as I've walked by at least hundreds of poor, cold, mutilated, shivering, hungry bodies begging for someone to stop and notice or meet just one of their needs. The sad truth is that many of them did not get to keep the money that they were begging to receive. As in the movie Slumdog Millionaire, many people around the world are taken advantage of and abused for the profit of someone else. It was really and truly a battle I faced everyday because my heart went out to every person, even the ones whose faces were so mutilated that hardly looked human.
As I was processing all of my thoughts aloud one day, a friend shared his perspective on it that made sense to me. He said that He feels it is not his place to judge where the money goes or to justify giving to one person over another, but to be spirit-led and give out of obedience to the Lord. He let the Lord take care of the rest...meeting the needs and teaching him to depend on Himself for how to be used in that process. He told me if I walk by a homeless person everyday and feel a burden to give, I need to give. Obviously, it isn't our job to save the whole world. God doesn't want us to, but He does want to use us and teach us in His process of providing for others in need. It's a two-fold process...the giver receives a blessing and as well as the receiver. Another thing we used to do is package up our leftovers at a restaurant and give them to the first homeless person we saw on the way home.
Obviously NYC is slightly different than China, but it sounds like the needs are the same. I challenge you to ask the Lord to lead you day by day and trust Him to use you as He wills. Outside of that, you will be overwhelmed and not allowing Him to work through you.

Heather said...

by the way, you haven't added me to your blog list yet!

Anonymous said...

hey! I just read this excerpt and it was like I was reading something from my own heart and thoughts. When describing the feeling of the Lord's prompting in these situation, you probably feel the same way....like overwhelmed is just not a sufficient enough word...it's more like all consuming and heartwrecking..but also awesome because your thankful that He is showing you more of His own heart. This was awesome...thanks for writing this!

During a small group I was in while living in Atlanta, I brought this subject up and got one of the coolest suggestions of what to do when wanting to fill a temporary need such as food, without wondering what would happen if I gave them money and used it for other reasons etc; McDonalds gift cards - you buy the gift cards in the value of $5 and keep them with you in case someone asks or you see a need to fulfill.