MY LIFE...

I read a blog one time of a woman who compared her days during a certain season to a ride on a carousel.  Except the carousel was going round and round faster and faster and was not stopping.

In some ways that is what my life feels like right now.  My life is busy and my life is full and today on the verge of a breakdown it felt a little out of control.  I can't exactly explain why, but I know there are many factors involved.  So instead of sticking with my original plans tonight I stopped my life, sat on my couch with the window open and the fresh breeze blowing in and I spent time with Jesus.  I read, I journaled, I cried, and I prayed. And afterwards I felt better.

I feel like I haven't written about "my life" lately, and I want to.  This blog is a scrapbook of my life.  I want to remember what fills my days and weighs at my heart....2 things that go hand in hand day after day.

My life is really fun right now...it's busy and full.  I love my job and continue to be so thankful that I get to do what I love.  I love investing in families and children and being part of a great vision at Redeemer in New York City.  There is rarely a day I dread going to work....and I know that it is something to be thankful for.  With my job has come so many new opportunities that I am so blessed with.   I am also leading a mission's trip to Mexico this summer.  We are busy with team meetings, training, fundraising, doing a service project in the city, and getting to know one another.  It has been a lot of work for me as I coordinate and lead this trip, but I have loved it!  On top of that, I am continuing to co-lead/host a girls fellowship group, another thing which I love. And on top of that I am a mentor for a program called the Leadership Academy. And yet another thing which I love, but has been a big time commitment.  And then on top of that I have been blessed with many great friends in this city who I love spending time with!   I am thankful for the way the Lord has blessed me, but I would be lying if I were to say I was not a little tired and "tapped out"  at the moment.  I am learning that it is ok to not be involved in everything and say yes to everything.  There is always something going on this city, something to see and do.  I counted in one week that I got invited to 3 benefits(NYC is all about some benefits)  Side note:  I got invited to a benefit a couple weeks ago for a non-profit in the city where individual tickets cost up to $10,000.  I was like ugh not sure I am going to make that one...haha!  
But I realize that after living here for almost 2 years I am still learning how to live here.  How to pace myself...how to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  I hope one day I will figure it out.

And then there is the stuff going on on the inside....you might read what I wrote above and think I have a pretty good life(which I do).  BUT my heart has been so heavy this past year of my life.  Several people older than me have told me that their late 20's were the hardest years for them.  I am definitely seeing that to be true for me (or thus far).  There are deeply rooted things I am working through and I am daily learning to go to the Lord, to talk it out, to seek truth, to dig deeper.  I am ready for this season to be over, but I have learned lately that God's timing is not my timing and He does his work in his time...not a moment too soon or too late. But sometimes I wonder when it will stop, when will I be in a different season, when will I feel more closure to the deeper things going on in my heart.  I don't know that I ever will, but God is merciful and I have to remember that He gives grace for each day.  He has a purpose for me and He will fulfill that purpose.  There is nothing that will stop by God from doing that.  He knows what is ahead when I don't and he has promised to never leave me as I walk forward in the dark.  He will turn darkness into light before me and make the rough places smooth (Isaiah 42)

so there is a scratch to the surface of my life right now...may be boring to read, but I like writing it out.  I like having a scrapbook of my life here and I pray that I will read back over these entries and continue to see God's work in my life.