I wrote last week about Gospel in Life and how I wanted to share more specifically what I learned. I know this may be boring to some of you, but I think it will be helpful for me to process it out a little bit.....and you....well you can take what you want from it. I thing that I loved about GIL was that it started out talking about the city and how we are called to seek peace and prosperity in the place that God calls us to live (from Jeremiah 29:7) and then goes in to the heart(the parable of the two brothers) and specifically Idolatry. and then from the heart comes the section on community and then finally the study moves you outward as you discuss witnessing, work, justice, and Eternity. I LOVE the last section on Eternity, but I will have to write about that in another post. Can you tell I am a big fan of this study?
So what I have been "chewing" on for the past couple weeks is IDOLATRY. Such a big word....such a complex word. The dictionary defines idolatry as extreme love, devotion, or reverence to something or someone. I think sometimes when thinking about my idols or what it means to struggle with idolatry that definition does not always help me. It might pin me in someways, but not in others. Well Tim Keller challenges in the GIL study to instead think about "What is my great nightmare?" "What do I worry about the most?" What is something besides Jesus Christ that I think I must have to be happy?" When I was challenged to think through it this way I slowly saw some of what I know to be some of the real idols of my heart come out. The tricky thing about idols is that that they aren't all bad things.....idols can actually be good things that we let consume our hearts. I see both in my life...the bad and the good...but either way my heart is an idol factory. If I were to be really honest I know that I deal with a lot of fear. And so when I was asked to think through the question of "what is my greatest nightmare" those fears rolled out some pretty hard core idols I have let reign in my heart. I have slowly but surely let them rule and it has caused me a lot of anxiety, a lot of worry, a lot of doubt, and a lot of unnecessary grieving. My idols have become so real to me as they rule that I have let them become a reality in my life more than Jesus. C.S. Lewis said, "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world[something supernatural and eternal]." I read that quote a couple months ago as I was reading Counterfeit Gods ( a great book on idolatry by Tim Keller) and it has stuck with me. I am slowly learning that the longings of my heart that I have let become idols will never truly satisfy me. Things that I thought would satisfy me are not. Things that I think....."if this happens then I will be satisfied".....will actually not satisfy me. Although I have been reading Counterfeit Gods for awhile(it's my subway book so it took me awhile to get through it) it was not until I did the GIL course that the Lord really brought to my attention some specific hidden idols in my heart and how I was letting those idols really rob my joy and in some ways sufficate me. I have been looking for God to bless me with x, y, and z instead of just looking at Jesus. In the end of Counterfeit Gods TK talks through the story of Jacob and the night he wrestled with God(Genesis 32:24-31). As he and God "wrestled" throughout the night God told him to let go as it was daybreak(no one could look upon God's face and live) but Jacob told him that he was not going to let go "unless you bless me". He was looking for the blessing of Jesus. Although it does not directly say this, TK explains that what Jacob was ultimately realizing was that he had been looking for blessing through people and circumstances, but ultimately he just needed the blessing of God. That is what I am learning right now. That I really don't need anything but Jesus. I really will be ok if my dreams don't come true, or people are taken away from me, or my life does not go exactly how I want. If have Jesus that is all I need. I need His blessing. I need His love. I need His acceptance and approval. So in the Gospel in Life course that is what I saw. I don't have to be discouraged about the idols of my heart. I just have to continually hold on to the truth that I am dearly loved and blessed in Jesus alone. The gospel changes everything. The gospel has changed my heart and is continually changing it as I let go of these idols. "setting your heart on Christ as your peace and your life"(TK) is the road to letting go of the idols that consume. I know that if I let go of one thing something else will fill it's place, but my prayer lately has been that God would fill my heart so tightly that there would not be room for those other things to sink in.
As we sang at Redeemer tonight, "Give me Jesus, give me Jesus, you may have all this world, give me Jesus." This is my prayer. I am struggling greatly with Idolatry and I know that it will be a struggle for the rest of my life. If its not one thing that is ruling....it will be another. But my desire is to keep walking, to keep clinging to jesus, to keep fighting my sin and to continually pray that Christ will rule my heart. As Tim Keller tells us so often, "I am far worse that I could even dare imagine, but I am far more loved than I could ever dare hope."
I am thankful that God used the GIL course to show me some specific things that have been ruling my heart and to also show me the Gospel. It is because of the Gospel that I do not have to let these things consume me and I do not have to feel condemned. There is freedom, there is forgiveness, there is grace, there is redemption, there is hope there is blessing. I have the blessing of Jesus! I know deep down there is nothing more I need....let's hope I can keep believing that when my fears sneak up again.
I am thankful for what God is teaching me about idolatry and pray that I will continue to learn and grow in this area of my life
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