Plan B

If you have been around me at all this summer you have probably heard me mention the book Plan B.  It is a bright green book that I honestly thought when eying it, was going to be a lot of "fluff".  If you haven't heard me talk about it then I have to tell you what an impacting book it has been for me.  I have been going through it with a bible study group of about 10 girls this summer.  I don't know why I thought it would be fluff.  I mean I had absolutely no reason to think so, but I have to be honest and say that I did.  The subtitle of the book is "What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought he would"  It is a book full of truth.  A book full of stories of God's people who walked through "Plan B situations".  I think we all have our plan A lives. Even if we don't verbally say it, we all have ideas of what we think our life should like, what we want for ourselves and our futures.  But what happens when those dreams are shattered?  When life turns out differently than you thought it would?  When you have dreams, but you don't see them being fulfilled?  or when you are living your perfect plan A life, but then something or someone is taken away from you and you realize the flow of your life is not going to go how you thought it would?  I know for me this book has hit home in so many ways.  I am still processing so much of the book, but wanted to share a little bit about what I am learning.  
in one chapter of the book Pete Wilson talks about the power and hope of the Gospel.  I mean he talks about it throughout the book, but in this one chapter he just hammers it in.  He hammers it in a way that has really met me recently.  When we talk about the Gospel so much of our conversation and focus is on Friday, the crucifixion and Sunday, the Resurrection.  Those are both HUGE days, but one day we don't talk about much is Saturday.  the day where Jesus was dead and He had not risen yet.  The disciples and followers of Jesus had put all their hope in Jesus, I mean they followed behind him for years. And then He dies.  He dies a very gruesome death.  He did that for them and He did that for us, but on Saturday they did not know what was happening.  We can imagine they most likely felt helpless, doubtful, hopeless.  They were waiting.  They did not know what was going to happen on Sunday, but they waited.  They waited....and He rose.  God's power worked in Jesus and He rose from the dead.  In the same way that God's power worked in Jesus on that Saturday to raise him from the dead God's power works in us to prepare us for what God has ahead of us (Ephesians 1:19-20).  Pete Wilson talks about how our "Saturdays" are days of waiting, days of preparation, days of God preparing to do his best work in us.   Ok so this really hit me.  It hit me for multiple reasons. I have felt like I am in a season of waiting.  In a season where I have had days where I have questioned God and doubted what He is doing in me.  I also have talked to others who I feel are in this season to.  Sometimes in life we hope for things, we desire things, we wait for things, and God does not give them to us when we want them.  Or God gives us what we think we want, but then takes it away.  I know I can imagine that those followers of Jesus felt pretty hopeless on Saturday, but God never stopped working.  He never slept, He never gave up.  And the greatest gift possible came out of it.   I think when we are in "Saturdays"  we can often feel alone, abandoned, hopeless, frustrated.  For me it is so hard to really believe that God is with me and is working when I don't see it.  When the tunnel feels dark and I don't know when it will end.  But the thing Pete continues to talk about in this book is that it will end.  That God is working and He will eventually bring light to the darkness.  What I am learning even now is the difference between hoping for something and hoping in someone.  I often look to God as a means to something else.  I put my hope in that He will answer what I want instead of hoping in him for complete fulfillment.  I know it is not bad to wait for something, to desire something.  But I am learning that it is more how we wait.  Pete talks about how it is easy to believe that God really can do something and give us what we want right now if he chooses.  He is that powerful.  The hard part is not trusting and believing that it could happen.  The hard part is actually the waiting.  Pete says to his readers, "The question isn't can you trust God? Of course you can trust God. The question is can you wait? Will you wait? Will you continue to hope in Him even when his timing seems all off".   That paragraph really hit me hard.  I think sometimes I am thinking that I am trusting God just fine.  And maybe I am.  But the hard part is waiting.  Putting all my hope in God and truly being able to say.  "Your timing is perfect God.  You are enough for me.  and even if you don't ever give me anything else, I owe you my life. You deserve my praise and devotion b/c you are God and you gave your life for me so I can have eternal life!"  This is what I am learning right now.  I am learning that in my waiting Jesus is enough for me.  This has been a heavy topic for me.  I want to wait on the Lord for the desires of my heart, but I don't want to put my hope in those desires.  I want to put my hope in Jesus and pray that in the waiting He would refine me, that He would make me pure as gold.  I am praying that for a few other specific people right now.  Pete talks about how we so often in life want to get from point A to point B as fast and as easy as we can.  But that is not always God's plan for us.  He cares so much more about who we are becoming in the process.   The one promise we can cling to is that as much as we may feel abandoned in the process or feel like God is not working,  He is a close as ever and He is working.  I am learning that the moments when I feel the weakness and the most hopeless is when God works the most.  He is a God of Hope for a people full of hopelessness.  I will often read lines in this book and just think "ouch".  Even as I write this I feel a little bit of a churning in my stomach.  I just really want certain things for my life.  Certain things for people around me.  and I am really trying so hard to just let go.  To open my fist and say "not my will, but yours. you know what is best and you know when it is best to give"   I know that ultimately I want God's will.  I want to wait for Him and not turn away.  I don't want to miss for a second what God is doing.  It's just too good for me to miss out on it, but the thing that I am learning is that when God is working it does not mean that there is is not pain, and suffering, and loneliness.  Sometimes God needs to give us Plan B things or seasons in our lives to get our attention, to show us who really is in control, and to bring us to the place that He wants us.  Today I can say I know it is worth it.  I may struggle to say that tomorrow.  So everyday I am learning to walk with God.  To cling to Him when I think it would be easier to take matters in my own hands.  To continue to wait for Him when I feel forgotten.  And to believe that He is giving me His absolute best for me.  My Plan B is actually his Plan A.   The same power that rose Jesus from the dead is working in me and for me.  And so I pray, and I cling, and I repent, and I wait.  

Wait for the Lord's help.
Be strong and brave,
and wait for the Lord's help (Psalm 27:14)


I wait for the Lord to help me, 
and I trust his word. (Psalm 130:5)


I find rest in God;
only he gives me hope. 
He is my rock and my salvation.
He is my defender;
I will not be defeated. (Psalm 62:5-6)