He was forsaken that I might never be

Last weekend I went to a Singlenss, Sex, and Marriage conference that Tim and Kathy Keller did for Redeemer. It was a sweet time with our church and neat to see Tim and Kathy in a more intimate role with our congregation.  Our church is famous and our pastor is famous, so to have a more personal conference like this really was great.  Although I walked away reminded of Gospel-centered principles on these issues,  I also walked away discouraged.  Marriage is a sweet gift from the Lord.  It is not everything, but God did create us for companionship and marriage is the most initmate form of companionship there is. That is except for our relationship with the Lord.  I think that is where I struggle and where I have been challenged during this Holy Week.  I have an amazing community of friends in NYC, but the lonliness I have experienced, specifically this last year, in blunt words has been gut wrenching.  In singleness you do life alone.  Yes I have close friends, but as one friend said, "I'm no ones first phone call".   I am wading through singleness and what it means the older I get to do life without a teammate.  I walked away from the conference last weekend reminded that marriage is a good thing and something I may or may not ever get to experience.  Although I pray daily for my husband and that the Lord would give me the opportunity to experience the gift of marriage, I want God's best for me, whatever that means.  All I know to do in this area of my life is to trust HIM and to believe that He really does have a plan for my life. A plan that is good.  And that is why Sunday's sermon on the cross hit me so deeply.  Because in this sermon TK so gently reminded me again Jesus will never forsake me.  Jesus was forsaken by God on the cross so that I would never be.  Do you get that.... He was forsaken that I might NEVER be.  Those words have brought tears to my eyes this week as I reflect on the crucifixion.  In my lonliness, in my brokeness, in the moments when I feel completely alone in this world Jesus is near.  He is near because of the cross.  Because of the cross his love will never go away. I feel like I am constantly telling the Lord that I need him.  In my fears of being alone forever I want to cling to the promise that no matter what Jesus will be with me.  He has done too much for me to hang me out to dry.  He is not going to take me this far and then walk away.  He is my God and He died for me.  Each year that goes by I feel like Good Friday has a little bit deeper meaning. I feel so unworthy of my Savior, but He really does love me.  He went through that terrible day for me and now I am His.
I pray that one day the lonliness will ease, but I know ultimately it will not go away until Heaven.  Until then I am going to keep clinging to my savior, the one who bought me at a price and calls me his beloved.  I want to remember these promises that I was reminded of this week.  In the moments of deep discouragement, dissapointment, and sadness, I want to lift my head to my Father and cry out to him.  To know that he is near that he longs to show his mercy and goodness to me.  He is working out his perfect plan for my life day by day.  I have to trust him.  I have to believe that a man who would die for me must really love me.  I wish I understood it all, but I don't. But I do know that I am thankful for the cross.  I am thankful that I will never truly be alone even in the moments when I feel the most alone.  He hears the cries of my heart, He holds my tears in the palm of his hands, and He is my refuge as I walk through the life that the He has written for me.  I would never be able to say alll this if it weren't for the cross.  And so tonight I am thankful.  He was forsaken that I might never be.