God is Faithful

In a little over 2 weeks I will turn 30.  It really is hard for me to believe that I am that old.  With the upcoming birthday I have been thinking a lot about my 20's.  I can't believe I've been in my 20's for 10 years.  In many ways time has flown, but then when I really think where I have come from since my 20th birthday so much has happened.  I really began walking with the Lord when I was 19 so the decade of my 20's has been a season of really discovering who God is, and what it means to live a life for him.  I have begun (and really continue to) learn what it means to throw off the sin that so easily entangles, the meaning of Grace and the gift that it is, the greatness of God and the many attributes that accompany his perfect character, what it means to daily surrender my life as one who was crucified with Christ, the sacrifice of living a life for the Lord, what it means to suffer (in a small way) and the fruit that comes through suffering, and what it means to take up my cross daily and follow Christ.  I have learned many things and have much more to learn.  Life really is a journey.  One that is really scary and really uncertain.  When I met with a life coach a few months ago and I shared where I had come from and what my concerns were that were causing me great anxiety, she gently reminded me what my life looked like to her.  She described my life as one who walks down a long red carpet. As I look behind me on the red carpet I see moment after moment of God's faithfulness, but as I look ahead I see darkness.  I see darkness, because the Lord hasn't revealed his great plan for me yet.  He reveals it moment by moment in the exact moment I need it.  But with each moment he shows me his perfect faithfulness that accompanies me.  I've been thinking about this alot lately as I honestly dread this new decade.  I dread this new decade because I'm scared.  I am scared that although I know deep down God's plan for me is good I don't know what that plan is.

 I can remember when I was 26 I had a good friend who was turning 30.  As I celebrated her birthday with her I thought about what my life might be like when I turned 30.  I had just moved to NYC and was living the life.  I wondered if I would still be in the city, what would I be doing, would I be married to the guy that I was dating at the time, would I be a mom, would my life look totally different than It did when I was 26.  I can honestly say that my life as I approach 30 looks nothing like I envisioned it would.  In some ways it looks better and in some ways I am completely dissapointed.  In many ways I have lived my dream in my 20's.  I still often walk around this city that I live in and can't believe God gave me my dream. I have had more incrdible experiences that I could have ever imagined.  I have seen more, done more, traveled more than I ever thought I would.  I thought about making a bucket list of 30 things I wanted to do before I turned 30, but then I really thought I've done so many things on my bucket list. Just on Monday night I watched Venus and Serena Williams play tennis at the US Open and I thought to myself, this is another silly dream that has come true.  I've wanted to watch them play tennis in person since I was a kid and the Lord gave me that sweet gift.

I think in the midst of many emotions that are going through me right now the thing I continue to think about is that the Lord has been so faithful to me.  From the beginning of my 20's to now I have had many moments of wondering what the Lord is up to. My life went through many unexpected changes, but through each year and season the Lord was with me.  That is what I want to remember as I prepare for this new decade. The Lord is with me.  He was with me throughout my college years, He was with me as I had no idea what I wanted to do with my future and was utterly confused as I approached college graduation, he was with me as I went on staff with Campus Outreach, He was with me as I left CO unexpectedly and moved to Greenville, He was with me through unemployment and finding a job in Greenville, He was with me as I boarded the plane to New York City and started a new chapter here, He was with me through multiple job changes and roles, He was with me through broken relationships and broken hearts, He was with me in the moments of fun and celebration, He was with me in moments of sadness and lonliness, He was with me through the rollercoast of my life and never once did he leave me.  He IS with me now.  I am continually reminded that I cannot do life without Jesus.  As I have been thinking about the Lord's faithfulness and the decade of my 20's I have been listening to this song on repeat.  I really love these words.  "Scars and struggles on the way But with joy our hearts can say Yes, our hearts can say, Never once did we ever walk alone, Never once did You leave us on our own You are faithful, God, You are faithful".  Such solid truth to be reminded of in this journey of life.  God is Faithful! He has been faithful, He is faithful, and He will always be faithful.  Before anything else I write as I process through my 20's I want to remember this truth.  I pray I will continue to look back on this blog post in another 10 years and have many more stories of the Lord's faithfulness in my life.  I know my life may never look like what I envision but I know my God is faithful to me.  He loves me dearly and He is committed to me.  That alone is a reason to rejoice. To celebrate the story that the Lord has written for me.  God is faithful! 

Never Once

by Matt Redman

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful