Surrender

I have been thinking a lot on the words to the song "Surrender" this week.....

I'm giving You my heart, all that is within 
I lay it all down, for the sake of You my King 

I'm giving You my dreams, laying down my rights 
I'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life* 

And I surrender all to You, all to You 
And I surrender all to You, all to You 

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross 
All the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You, for the glory of Your name 
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

And I surrender it all to you, all to You 

Sometimes I forget I need the Lord.  I get caught up in my life and I slowly try to loosen my dependency on Him.  The thing is though....He does not let me get to far before He ever so gently reminds me that I do need HIM.  This life is about HIM.  This week was a week of me once again learning to let go and being  reminded that my life is not about me and what I want.  I feel like I spent most of this past week on my knees.  I have been reminded that I really am sinful and so unworthy of all that the Lord gives me.  He has given me some sweet gifts lately, but that just what they are....GIFTS.  And my heart so often wants more.  I want thing to go my way and I want the course of my life to go in the direction that I THINK will be best for me........But God does not work that way.  He bought me at a price and I am now His.  He wrote my story before any of it came to be and He has what He thinks is the perfect plan for my life.  And so this week when things did not go my way, when my faith was once again tested, when hard conversations with others occurred I was once again reminded that this earth is not my home.  That God has me here for His Glory and he is using these things to sanctify me. To teach me more of Him.   I long for my life to be about Him, but I am continually learning that it's just not easy.  I often feel like my life in NYC is a little out of control and that nothing feels consistent and safe.  and that when my life does start to feel that way God shakes it up a little.  I have felt humbled and weary this week, but in those moments the Psalms has been sweetness to me.  I have savored God's word and his promise to me that He is my helper that he is my Stronghold.  That He will never leave me and will always be there holding my hand.  And so I am once again reminded that my hope is not found here on earth but in him alone.  And so even though I long for things on this earth to be easier, to be clearer, to be comfortable I KNOW that I experiencing so much more when I give God control and let him do what He wills.   And so I sing these words to the song and pray that I would continually surrender my life to Lord and say "not my will but your will be done"