My Journey to Today...

This might be a bit of a long story, but it's a long journey......and a long journey deserves long story:-)

5 years ago in January I began the "exploration" of moving to NYC.  I was in the middle of a very hard year with unexpected changes and was spending much time praying through what the Lord had next for me.  In the midst of praying my dear friend Kelli Kirkland Mayfield connected me to the Children's Director at Redeemer.  After many conversations and a trip to NYC (with Kelli), Tracy hired me for a part-time position at Redeemer.  Not only did she hire me, but she connected me to a part-time teaching job and let me live with her for 2 months until I could get an apt of my own.

From the day she hired me she was committed to me.  A year after being hired part-time I was promoted to a bigger position that was full-time.  In the next 3 years my position changed a couple different times with varying responsibilities and advancements.  She wasn't the typical boss.  She invested in me personally.  She walked through my hard transition to New York City.  She believed in me professionally seeing my strenghths and weaknesses and challenging me in both. She was quick to see things in me that I didn't see and encourage me through them.   She trained me, encouraged me, and really got me to the place I am today. She watched me become my own person in my job and really come out of my shell in so many ways.

In the course of my job I had moments when I enjoyed it more than at other times.  In the spring I really began to grow more discontent than ever in my job.  This was for no particular reason, but at any rate I was struggling.  By May I decided I needed to do some serious praying about where the Lord wanted me and was this the job for me. I spent May and June praying a lot and really asking the Lord to give me clear direction in my life.  At the same time while on vacation with my family, I read the book "Kisses from Katie" Although the main point of this book is about Katie's journey in Uganda what I really gained was that Katie had a clear vision and passion and went after it.  After reading this book I felt more discouraged than ever wondering if my heart would feel excited about anything. What is my passion? Where does God want to use me? I knew I loved children, but I felt burnt out in the place where I was.  I prayed through grad school, moving back south, mission's work, etc but at the end of the day really felt like the Lord was telling me He wanted me here in New York City.  Summer went on and I went to Ecuador.  While in Ecuador I spent a chunk of time (in btwn bible clubs and all our other activities) looking out over the Pacific Ocean praying.  I asked the Lord how He wanted to use me?  I prayed specifically for change and that the Lord would bring a new opportunity for me.

3 Days after returning from Ecuador my Children's Ministry team met for an all day planning day.  At the end of this day my boss broke the news to us that she would be leaving Redeemer to go work full-time at the non-profit she helped start, A House on Beekman.  Although I was sad to hear this news, the Lord gave me much peace that this was a good decision.  At the same time that this was happening I found out about a job in a different department at Redeemer and decided to move forward in applying for this, wondering if this would be the change I needed.  When I met with my boss to tell her I applied, she listened to me and encouraged me but also asked me a challenging question. "Why wouldn't you apply for the Children's Ministry Director position"  When she asked me I kind of squirmed in my seat a little.  I have always said that I did not want to be a Children's Ministry Director.  But we talked through it and I decided to pray about it.  Later that day I met with the lady who has mentored me for a couple years and talked through the same thing with her.  After she heard me out of where I was she told me she wanted me to apply for the director position.  She told me all the reasons why and why I would be crazy not too.  I decided to go ahead and move forward with the interview process for the other position while praying about applying for the director position.  Through several more conversations with my boss and my mentor I felt increasingly convinced that this was the position for me.  My mentor (who has walked through sooooo much with me) told me that she had never felt so confident in something for me as she did about this decision.  So apply for the position I did.  At the same time I found out I did not get the other position.  It was honestly humorus to me, because as excited as I was to apply I felt complete peace that this was not the position for me and that I would not get it.  Funny how the Lord works.  Takes you down a path only to close the door.

Applying for the Children's Director position might not seem like a big deal to anyone reading this blog, but to me it WAS a big deal. Honestly turning in this application was me letting go of the dreams I had for my life.  It was letting go of what I thought I wanted and being open to what God might want.  It was applying for a position that I had said I never wanted or would be good at.  It was me saying that I would stay in NYC and work in a ministry that for personal reasons has been hard for me.  But I knew that I had been praying for the Lord's direction and it felt like He was giving it to me through this job.

After turning in my resume it was 6 weeks of a pretty intense interview process.  Throughout the interview process as I was able to share with different people in leadership my passion for children and vision for this ministry it became increasingly clear that was exactly where I needed to be. My heart felt excited again.  A passion became alive in me that had been deadened.  Although I continued to feel confident, it was a very long process and again I felt like I had to let go.  The Lord brought me to the point of really not knowing if I would get this position and having peace that either way God was going to take care of me. The waiting and praying continued on for a bit until almost 2 weeks ago when I was officially offerered the REDEEMER WEST SIDE CHILDREN'S DIRECTOR POSITION.

It honestly felt a little surreal when I signed the offer letter.  This has been such a journey for me. From the day I moved to NYC and began my job at Redeemer to today it has been a journey.  I told my old boss, Tracy that she can take some credit for getting me to this place as she is the one who really allowed me to flourish professionaly.

It's not that this is the perfect position.  I know it is going to be crazy hard and if I am completely honest I am still working through some pretty big heart struggles with where I am in life that continue to be incredibly painful. But this journey is another reminder to me that God is faithful. He has blessed me so much.  He has allowed my life in New York City to be fruitful.  I have always had a passion for children and He is allowing me to use my passion and giftings in a job that 1 year ago I would probably have not considered.

I am so excited to invest in this generation of little New Yorkers.  It is a priviledge to be on staff at Redeemer and to be under the leadership of Tim Keller.  I really do love my city and I am thankful for the change that is upon me.  Although when I was praying I would not have guessed this would be the answer, I am thankful that the Lord knows better than me and He ordained this path long before I knew.

I don't know what tomorrow holds. I don't know how long the Lord will have me in this poistion but I feel confident, even on the hard days, that this is where He has me today. This is His calling for me today.  The Lord is continuing to teach me that a life with Him is a daily letting go, a daily taking up my cross and following him.  And so I am following Him.  I am following his clear direction of where He has led me and praying that I would experience his perfect care along the way.

I am thankful.  I am thankful for this job, this new opportunity, the people I get to work with, the job that lies ahead.  Excited for a new chapter at Redeemer and moving our Children's Ministry to the next place.  Excited to invest in little hearts and be used by the Lord in the place that He has called me too.

Maybe I didn't move to Africa like Katie did, but 6 months after reading that book I feel like the Lord confirmed his calling for me for this season.  And for that I am blessed, excited, thankful, and hopeful.

It was a journey. It will continue to be a journey.  Thankfully I have the Lord with me leading the way and showing me his gentle grace and mercy along the way.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.  

Jeremiah 29:11