A Personal Retreat

This past week I went on a 48 hour personal retreat to Princeton, New Jersey. 

48 hours of no cell phone, no e-mail, no responsibilities, no agenda. It was me and the Lord for 3 days and 2 nights.  I'll be honest, I was nervous about this idea.  I was nervous to shut off from life and to spend such an extended time alone. I didn't know what to expect and I didn't know what I would get out of it.  But I can honestly say it was some of the best 48 hours that I have had in a very long time.  

The last 6 months in my new position have been intense.  The expectations, the responsibilities, the many relationships, the changes. I knew I was tired and drained, but I didn't realize how much I really needed this time away.  

 You see, I'm a processor. And when I don't have time to process I just internalize and things build up.  This 48 hours away was a sweet time to be with Jesus.  To pray and be really honest with the Lord about what's on my heart, to listen to his voice, to journal, and to just be in his presence.  

 I took long runs and walks, I sat in the grass and just stared at the sky, I listened to the birds chirp and the leaves rustle, I watched the sun set, and worshipped Jesus in his Creation.  

Several times I looked up to see light shining down and a beautiful glow wherever I was. It was a sweet reminder to me of how present the Lord is. Life can feel so lonely when we are waiting for the Lord to show up, to answer prayers, to just be there.  But sometimes through the simple rays of the sun we can we reminded of the light that is there. 

A passage that spoke to me this week was Deuteronomy 2:7 " For the Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He knows your going through this great wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing".  

 I've been waiting for the Lord to give me what I wanted instead of focusing on what he's already given me.  In different ways seasons in life can feel like a wildnerness, but  the Lord sees me and he's given me everything I've needed for the life he has called me too. He's called me in a very specific way to be a part of his mission.  I can choose to look past it and be discontent or I can embrace it and run hard in it.  

 One of my all time favorite Tim Keller sermons is "Hannah's Prayer"  I listened to this sermon once again while I was away and it was once again I challenge.  One of the days on my prayer plan that I made is a prayer box that says "that I would be like Hannah"  I would be a woman of faith who lives my life completely surrendered to the Lord and the mission he has called me too.  That I would walk in joy not in gifts that he gives me, but in Him because He is worth it.  

 I am thankful for days away to to rest physically, emotionally, and mentally.  To be in nature and to be in a slower pace of life.  

 I fell in love with Princeton.  The beatiful campus, the history, the cute downtown, the large homes, the sidewalked streets. 

As I looked down at this sidewalk one night it hit me how this sidewalk reminds me of my life.  It can feel so bumpy at times, but even in the bumps the Lord is making a beautiful picture.  Bumps are part of the journey and often make us even more thankful for the smooth parts and as the Lord spoke to me this week, "Bethany I have so many beautiful blessings in store for you" I know he is using the bumps to bring about beautiful blessing.

 I loved the days of running until I felt like stopping, sleeping until I felt like waking up, reading for hours on end, vising Johnathan Edwards grave and sitting in the cemetary until I felt like moving, eating at really fun restaurants (and even going to one place twice b/c I liked it so much), and having 3 days of no one looking at me to make a decision. 

 I needed this break.  I needed to clear my head and re-group.  I think personal retreats are healthy for everyone especially those in full-time ministry.  The best thing I can do for my job is have a healthy walk with the Lord.  I feel like these days refreshed me and nourished me in ways that I needed and in turn allowed me to come back and be ready to run hard again.  

I'm thankful for a boss who values personal and spiritual health and was so insistent that I take these days away.  

It was hard to come back to the city streets, but thankfully princeton is just a short 45 minute train ride away and I think will now become a regular spot of refuge when I need a day away.