The Story He Has Written

We all have hopes and dreams,  the dreams of what we want or imagine our life to look like. The story that we think would make the perfect fairy tale book. And the life that we hold on to with much hope and anticipation.  

But then one day we wake up and we realize that the life that we once dreamed about and thought would be our fairy tale isn't at all the story that God has written for us.  We realize we have been holding on to something so tightly and with that closed fist we have missed the beautiful things that are happening around us.  

I've had that wake up moment.  That moment where I realize that I'm missing out on the beautiful story that the Lord has written for me, because I'm holding on so tightly to the story that I think I want.  I have lived in dissapointment, in grief, and in questioning.  I've wondered why my fairy tale story was not written the way that I wanted and I've struggled with understanding what the Lord is doing.  

But then several months ago a journey started, a journey of looking deeper at my story and and seeing how much is going on in it.  I've realized I've spent so much time fighting the Lord that I am missing out on all the beautiful things He is doing in and through my story. 

And most importantly I've been learning that  the only way the Lord can really reveal the story that He has written for me is for me to let go, to let go of what I think I want and to really lay it down before the Lord, to give him my hopes and dreams, to give him the story that I wanted written and allow him to write the beautiful story that he so desperately wants me for me.  

In some ways this letting go feels like a death to me.  It feels like I am laying down the longings and hopes of my hearts and saying that His way is better even if it means my life looks so incredibly different than what I always imagined.  But what I know to be truth is that before there is life there is death. And in order for me to experience the life that my Father wants to give to me I have to experience the death.  I have to loosen my palms undo my sticky fingers and allow the Lord to come in and work, to say once again  with a humble heart "Not my will but yours be done"  

The verse that has come to mind so often the last few months is from Ephesians 3 "To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..."  Those words are a promise of God, a promise that He so eagerly longs to reveal to me. 

And as I've prayed and cried and listened to God's voice, I have heard him say "Bethany I have a beautiful story in store for you"  and I know those words are true.  It may not be the story that I've always wanted, the one that I held on to for so long.  But with new life there is confidence that the story will be so much better.  The king of the universe who holds my life in his palm and my heart to his chest has written my story.  He's written it for me and for noone else.  And His story is perfect! 

I know that this is a process and all that I'm learning will still be slow and painful but I want to wait in eager expectation of what is next.  Of what the Lord has in store for me, of how he wants to use me in His kingdom.  And as Laura Story sings in her new song God of every story,  "He's the God of every story, He sees each tear that falls. We may not understand but one thing is certain. He is faithful, He's a faithful God."  

He is a faithful God who can do immeasurably more than all our hopes and dreams....