The End of Another Year

The last few years as my birthday approaches I start to get a sense of dread over me.  I cringe a little when people remind me that my day of days is coming up and I start to hold on to the year that I am with all of my might.  Instead of being thankful for another year of life I tend to be remorseful of the year that was.

For me each year that passes I am reminded that most of what many would say should fill your late 20's/early 30's has not been a part of my life.  As my friends one by one have gotten married and started having babies I sit around a table with them or chat over the phone and am constantly reminded how different my life looks.  It's funny how for so long your lives were the same and the one day they just aren't.  And as each year goes by I feel a little bit more like I'm missing out out on what many would say is the "best thing that ever happened to me".  It's hard to be the one on the outside and the one who can't relate to so much of what the world around me is experiencing.  

At the same time, as I begin another year of life and look back on this year of my life I think I may see the Lord's hand more than ever.  This year has been a year of understanding more of my story and seeing God's hand in it more than ever.  The thing is, I know that God loves me and that He is for me.  I've experienced such a rich life this last year.  And really, even though my life has looked so different that many others, I've lived such a full life.  I went after my dreams in my 20's and I have lived it up the past few years.  I've worked hard, played hard, investing in others, served the city, and have soaked up what the Lord has always had in front of me.  And although contentment has always been one of my biggest struggles i'm slowly learning what it means to rest in the Lord's plan for my life and to really believe He has a hope and a future for me.  I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I know God is at work in this area of of my life and He is slowly changing me to make me ok with the story he has written for me.  

So tonight as I face another birthday I'm praying that the Lord would continue to teach me more of these things and that I would live in hope of the story he has written for me, knowing that His plan is perfect.  

"For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!"

Psalm 84:11-12

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. 

Ephesians 3:20-21