1 Year

1 year ago today my flight took off from LGA.  I had 2 bags with me and a heavy heart as I made my way to a new life in Birmingham, AL .  The words were playing in my ear phones as the plane took off into the sky,  "I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind The God of angel armies is always by my side. The one who reigns forever, he is a friend of mine. The God of angel armies is always by my side."  An overwhelming peace came over me when those words played.  I knew that the road ahead of me was going to be scary, but I also knew who was going to be with me every step of the way.  Most of this year I felt like I was just surviving. I felt like I had to figure out a new culture, a new job, a new home, and so much of my year has been figuring out what life looks here.  I still don't think I have it figured it out. I held a lot in this year.  I processed a lot internally, and I pushed a lot inside that was incredibly hard this year.  I learned more than ever that Jesus really is my best friend and that when you feel like you are in a place where you feel so incredibly alone He really is the one who is always there.  I started so many of my days driving to work in the safe haven of my car just saying to Jesus over and over again, "Jesus I need you, I really need you today".  There is something so powerful and sweet in those moments when we can experience the power and nearness of the Lord in the simplicity of our prayers.  

Coming up to a year I begin to feel like I'm in a new place.  I feel like I'm starting figure out what community looks like and to find a place outside of the role I moved here for.  I'm starting to make headway in my job and and feel like the ministry is flourishing.  I'm starting to know my way around and not feel like a stranger wherever I go.  I'm starting to celebrate more of the victories and focus on the joys.  

I still have days where I want to run back to NYC. I want to hold on to my time there and I want to time travel back to my job and my life there.  I'm scared of forgetting what life was like on the island of Manhattan and the many things I learned by living life on the crowded streets of diversity.  I want to hold on to the memories for fear of losing them.  But deep down I  know that NYC will always be a piece of me.  I'll forever be changed in how I view the world and how I live by life because of the community I lived in and the years I lived walking those streets.  

But now i'm in a new chapter.  A chapter of Super Targets, and cars, a culture that often feels like a giant bubble.  The Lord called me to this bubble and He called me to live out my faith and invest in children here.  So I am.  I'm trying so hard to live as fully here as I did in NYC and give my life away to those the Lord puts in my path.  Sometimes I think in my mind what would it be like If I hadn't made the decision to move, but really it's hard to think that way because God always knew this was part of his plan, part of my journey.  

I gave up a lot to move to Birmingham, but I also gained a lot.  And I really do love what I gained. 

I've alway said I wanted to live my life open handed. I think there is there is freedom in that.  And God blesses that.  I've seen it first hand this year. I know God called me here and I've seen him day in and day out show his faithfulness to me even on the days when I was so faithless and really struggled to believe that he was indeed for me as my heavenly father.  

So here I am one year in.  

 I've learned a lot this year and grown a lot.  It's been really sweet to see the hand of God in my life and know that the God of angel armies really is on my side. 

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10