10 days ago we got back from Ecuador. Dustin was there for 40 days and I was there for 16 days. It was an incredible trip in so many ways, At some point I want to go back and blog some of the trip here, but for now I want to share a about a lesson the Lord taught me through a specific time in Ecuador. It all goes back to the 4 letter word I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. It's my go to, the thing that creeps in to my mind in the middle of the night and as much as I push it away it likes to stay there and creep back in when I'm not expecting. It's called FEAR. For me it's fear of everything. Fear of others, fear of "what ifs", fear of the future, fear of the unknown. Yes I've asked for the Lord's help, I've quoted scripture to myself and clung to it. And yes the Lord has worked greatly in my life in this area. But it's also been an are of ups and downs for me. And as Corrie Ten Boon would say "rob me of today's joys". 
The last 8 months have been (and continue to be) the biggest season of transition in my life. Marriage has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. It's been the sweetest and best thing I've experienced. It's also forced me to release control, let go, and walk closely with another person. With marriage comes new joys and for me new things to fear.
And that brings me back to Ecuador and the Basilica. The Basilica is a beautiful church up on a hill with scenes of the entire city. It really is incredible. But part of seeing much of the beautiful city is climbing to the top of this one of a kind church. Climbing lots of stairs, climbing ladders, and climbing a skinny spiral staircase where you can look down and see lots of space beneath you. And here's the thing.....I hate heights. And I hate spiral staircases. When I was 7 I flipped down a metal spiral staircase the pain and fear that I experienced in that fall is still with me. Ever since then I've struggled with this type of staircase. BUT I wanted to see this view of the city that Dustin had been telling me about. I wanted to experience what was at the top. I almost backed out halfway through as my fear intensified, but Dustin reminded me that I could do this. I could get to the top. And so I did. I took a deep breath and climbed..and climbed...and climbed. And when I got to the top I saw the city....and it was worth it.
I sat on this slab of concrete and looked out over the city and took in all the colors. I looked down at how high I was and I was reminded that pushing through my fears really was worth it to be able to see this city. And then it hit. How many things do I miss out on because of my fear? How often do I not see "the beautiful view" because of the fear of the unknown or the what if's?
In 7 days we move to Atlanta. And to be honest it's been a hard move for me to come to grips with. Not because I don't think it's best or am not excited about the opportunities there. I believe The Lord is leading us and we are following the path we are called to walk, but my fear has been so much more present that I would like. I could write you a page long list of all my rational and irrational fears that I have. But sitting at the top of the Basilica reminded me of the beautiful story that God is writing for Dustin and I, and he's choosing for Atlanta to be a part of that. Who am I to let fear rob me of what the Lord has at the top of spiral staircase? Life is a journey and we daily have opportunities to walk in fear or faith. But fear halts us. It tells us we can't go on and if we do it will be bad. Faith tells us to keep walking and to believe that the Lord is right there with us leading us each step of the way.
We had lots of incredible experiences in Ecuador, and to be honest I even had fear about going. It was a hard decision for us for Dustin to say yes to leading this trip. Being a part 23 days, being out of the country the month before we move, and a few other factors. But I'm so glad we said yes. For SO many reasons I'm glad. But sitting at the top of the Basilica may have been one of my favorite moments of the trip. It was where I felt like the Lord spoke to me in a way I needed him to speak to me. To remind me that he's got this. That I really do have nothing to fear and that if I'm willing to trust him and walk with him there is something really beautiful on the other side.
And so as we pack up our home, live in the middle of boxes, wrap up our jobs, say good-bye to our friends here and make this move I'm reminding myself of that moment when I got to the top of the Basilica. I'm reminding myself of the beauty of following the Lord. I'm reminding myself that we prayed through this decision and watched the Lord unfold it in a way that we knew so clearly we were called to go. I know that fear will always be something I wrestle with. But I also know that the Lord is so much greater. Fear is not from Him and He can trample the one from whom fear is from.
It's a daily struggle for me, but i've seen time and time again that it is worth it to not let it hold me back. I know that the path before us may not always be clear or easy, but I also know that where he calls us he will be with us. I want to remember that as we embark on this new journey. As we walk forward down a road where we can't see what the end will look like. What we can trust in the God who turns the darkness into light, makes the rough places smooth, and promises there is beauty along the way.
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