A Deep Breath

I think that almost all that I have blogged about the last few months have been weddings.  Now that they are all over I am taking a deep breath and settling back into normal life.  Having so many friends get married in a short amount of time is definitely an emotional rollercoaster. It's an interesting season to be in when you realize that almost all your closest friends are married...and you are not. I'm learning how to navigate this with my friends and with the Lord.

I'm in the moment of living a dream and yet living a life I never expected or really even wanted. My life looks very different than the story I would have written and i'm realizing how hard it is at times to come to grips with that.  I live between being incredibly thankful for the way the Lord has orchestrated it all to being desperately anxious because I feel so unbelievably out of control and at times deeply dissapointed.

This past week I finished reading "The Horse and His Boy" by C.S. Lewis. It's the first time I'm reading through the Chronicles of Narnia, which I know is probably shameful.  In this book there is one section that has been in my mind all week.  It's the moment where Shasta is questioning the deep voice (Aslan) about his life.  He is comparing his life to Aravis and all that has happened and immediately Aslan stops him, "Child, said the voice, "I'm telling you your story, not hers. I tell you no one any story but his own" That line is what I needed to be reminded of in the moment I read it.  It's so incredbily easy to look at the stories of people around me and say to myself, "why me? or why not me?"  But the stories I look at are not my story.  My story is the one that has and is being beautifully written by the one who makes no mistakes.  And just like Aslan was with Shasta through every piece of his story making it beautiful and good, The Lord is has and is with me through every step of my story....and he is making it beautiful and good.