I was talking to someone at dinner tonight and they asked me the question that we all ask each when first meeting, "how long have you lived in the city?" I know some places it might be easy to forget how long one has lived there and definitely hard to remember the exact date, but not New Yorkers. We remember the years, hours, and moments we've lived in this city and for me it's coming up on 5 years. I really can't believe it when Is say it. I moved here on July 1st, 2008 with the intenion of "trying it out" and maybe staying for 2 years. Almost 5 years later I'm still here and I can honestly say the city has become a part of me.
I became bff's with a curriculum represenative when he was helping me purchase some curriculum for our ministry the other day. We chatted on the phone for awhile about all sorts of things while we were waiting to resolve some issues with the website. As soon as he found out I was from NYC he immediately was impressed and asked me question after question about my life here, but the thing I remember the most is his question of "does the wonder of it all ever wear off" I immediately laughed, because of course it does. It wears of just like the wonder of anything in life wears off. But the truth is there are still so many moments when I look around and think to myself, "I can't believe I live here." I can honestly say I went after my dreams and have made a pretty amazing life here for myself. It's not an easy life by any stretch of the imagation, but it's a pretty exciting life. I can easily feel so ungrateful about so many things, but as I was sharing with someone this week, the Lord gave me my dreams. In my head I dreamed up what I thought a cool life in NYC would look like, and he honestly gave me exactly that. Now I have more dreams and even the dreams that have come true are so completely flawed, but the Lord gave me this life and it was the life I use to lay in bed and dream about when I was younger.
And so here I am. I'm a Children's Director for one of the most influental churches in the world, living in a really sweet apt in a very desirable neighborhood of Manhattan, taking long runs in Central Park, passing celebrities on a regular basis, walking by famous landmarks on a daily basis, going to broadway, eating at really cool restaurants, doing life with people who have incredibly influential jobs, and the list goes on. Sometimes my life feels out of a movie....and it's just really cool.
But this life is hard and the rat race of it all can feel completely overwhelming and there are many days where I want a simpler "less glamourous" life, but the Lord called me to this place and gave me this dream for a reason. And so here I am. I'm running hard in this place trying to live fully in this story of mine and asking the Lord to continue to shed light on the path is leading me on.
Other than the 1st question I metnioned the other question that gets asked so often is "how long do you see yourself here" ooooohhh how I very much dislike this question. I always cringe a little bit when I hear it come out of someone's mouth. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much, but I think I just feel this twinge of pressure and I want to avoid even thinking about it. Because the truth is, I really don't know. If God called me away tomorrow I would go, if he calls me to stay I will stay. At this point in my life I feel really open. I could honestly see myself moving back south, moving to a totally new place, going oversees, or staying where I am. So I give the cop out answer of "however long the Lord wants me here" I have many days where I think I don't know how long I can keep doing this life, but then again the Lord will never give me more than I can handle. And if he calls me here he will provide for me. I have to keep telling myelf that when the pressures of this fast paced, competive, expensive city start to push in on me. And I have to remind myself that the Lord gave me this dream, therefore he's going to continue to guide me. He's in control of this life and he's able to do so much more...
And so I want to remind myelf to be thankful for this incredible adventure the Lord has given me, to keep running hard in this life, and to live my life open handed in the path he has laid out for me.
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